Have you ever felt the joy that comes along with someone promising to take action on something important, only to be very disappointed days or weeks later when they have not followed through?
I know I have.
In fact, I had this happen just recently. As a psychologist who regularly measures this behaviour through personality testing, you might think that I should be able to "instantly tell" whether someone is prone to doing this. However, unless you happen to put someone through an assessment to get a “heads up”, it is usually something that is only evident over time.
Perhaps you’ve had to deal with it too. For example:
First though, why do people say they will do something when they don’t intend to follow through?
The simple (but not the only) answer is that they don’t want to feel controlled. They want to do what they want, how they want, and in their own time – not yours. But they don’t say this. Sometimes they don’t like conflict. Or they don’t know how to be assertive. Or they want to “save face”. The reasons are plentiful! (Or maybe they really do want to follow through but their organisational skills let them down.)
Sound like anyone you know?
So, what can you do to better manage people who are in the habit of not following through?
Here are 5 practical tips:
Tip Number 1: Empower them to set the action points and timeframe where possible.
Most people don’t enjoy being told, “Can you do this, NOW?” So try: “Here is what we need to achieve. What do you think is the best way of doing this?” Once they’ve set the action points, hold them to it. “Great, so can I rely on you to do X, Y and Z?” Then let them set the timeframe. “When do you think you will have this finished by?” Again, hold them to it. “By Friday? Great. I will email you a 10min appointment for your diary so that we can catch up about it on Friday. How does 2pm suit?” If they really are a repeat offender, don’t let their apparent cooperativeness fool you into thinking that you don’t need to make expectations and deadlines crystal clear. Send yourself (and them, if necessary) a file note to record what was agreed.
Tip Number 2: Do what you can to help make it happen.
Commonly, excuses are used to explain why they didn’t follow through. Pre-empt these and do what you can to minimise their use. Ask: “Are there any obstacles that you can foresee that might stop you from being able to deliver this on Friday?" and "What can I do to help ensure that this definitely gets finalised by Friday?” Maybe there is something else on their to-do list that is taking priority. Could you help them with that? Or if you’re their manager, can you help them delegate or reshuffle some of what’s on their plate?
Tip Number 3: If possible, explain why following through is important in terms that are meaningful to them.
If you need someone to do something for you, saying: “I need you to do this now so that I can make my dinner date” is probably not going to be hugely motivating. Rather, you should try to frame it in terms of “What is in it for them?” For example, “We really need to get this done urgently as Head Office is shouting a fancy dinner for the team with the most up to date paperwork.” Generally, a “carrot” works better than a “stick”.
Tip Number 4: Hold them accountable.
It is difficult to hold someone accountable when you have little more than a “gentleman’s agreement” that they will get onto it “as soon as possible”. However, if you have followed tips 1 and 2, it will be more obvious when they’ve ignored your request or failed to do as promised. You can then challenge them on it directly. How you do this will depend on your relationship with them, for example, are you their manager or are they yours? Either way, questions rather than accusations work best. Try: “We agreed this timeframe together last week. How come the report is not finished? How are you going to go about remedying this?” If they are your manager, a better approach might be to frame it in terms of “Why it’s bad for them”, for example: “Because I didn’t get your decision in the timeframe we agreed, the project will take longer than anticipated and blow the budget by $50k. Any more delays will cost us $10k per week. How would you like to proceed?” Put the onus of facing the consequences back on them where possible and if appropriate.
Tip Number 5: Don’t take it personally.
Regardless of whether the person is trying to intentionally annoy, undermine or frustrate you, don’t take their behaviour personally! If that is their intent, seeing you lose your cool will only give them more satisfaction. You can’t control their behaviour, but you can control yours. Either hold them accountable and deal with the situation assertively (by asking direct, calm questions) or, if it’s not important, let it go. Nobody is perfect all of the time! We all exhibit behaviours that annoy at least some people at least some of the time.
So in summary...
...don’t just push for a “yes”, try to get real buy-in to what needs to be achieved, stay calm and keep people accountable.
I loathe disclaimers, but - advice is of a general nature so apply with discretion!
I know I have.
In fact, I had this happen just recently. As a psychologist who regularly measures this behaviour through personality testing, you might think that I should be able to "instantly tell" whether someone is prone to doing this. However, unless you happen to put someone through an assessment to get a “heads up”, it is usually something that is only evident over time.
Perhaps you’ve had to deal with it too. For example:
- A partner who agrees to wash the car, then doesn’t get around to it as they busy themselves with other chores that you don’t even want done.
- A staff member who always seems agreeable to your suggestions, but you find out later that they’ve chosen to ignore what you’ve said without telling you.
- Or maybe a manager who, no matter how urgent your request, never gets back to you with a decision (even when they promise they will).
First though, why do people say they will do something when they don’t intend to follow through?
The simple (but not the only) answer is that they don’t want to feel controlled. They want to do what they want, how they want, and in their own time – not yours. But they don’t say this. Sometimes they don’t like conflict. Or they don’t know how to be assertive. Or they want to “save face”. The reasons are plentiful! (Or maybe they really do want to follow through but their organisational skills let them down.)
Sound like anyone you know?
So, what can you do to better manage people who are in the habit of not following through?
Here are 5 practical tips:
Tip Number 1: Empower them to set the action points and timeframe where possible.
Most people don’t enjoy being told, “Can you do this, NOW?” So try: “Here is what we need to achieve. What do you think is the best way of doing this?” Once they’ve set the action points, hold them to it. “Great, so can I rely on you to do X, Y and Z?” Then let them set the timeframe. “When do you think you will have this finished by?” Again, hold them to it. “By Friday? Great. I will email you a 10min appointment for your diary so that we can catch up about it on Friday. How does 2pm suit?” If they really are a repeat offender, don’t let their apparent cooperativeness fool you into thinking that you don’t need to make expectations and deadlines crystal clear. Send yourself (and them, if necessary) a file note to record what was agreed.
Tip Number 2: Do what you can to help make it happen.
Commonly, excuses are used to explain why they didn’t follow through. Pre-empt these and do what you can to minimise their use. Ask: “Are there any obstacles that you can foresee that might stop you from being able to deliver this on Friday?" and "What can I do to help ensure that this definitely gets finalised by Friday?” Maybe there is something else on their to-do list that is taking priority. Could you help them with that? Or if you’re their manager, can you help them delegate or reshuffle some of what’s on their plate?
Tip Number 3: If possible, explain why following through is important in terms that are meaningful to them.
If you need someone to do something for you, saying: “I need you to do this now so that I can make my dinner date” is probably not going to be hugely motivating. Rather, you should try to frame it in terms of “What is in it for them?” For example, “We really need to get this done urgently as Head Office is shouting a fancy dinner for the team with the most up to date paperwork.” Generally, a “carrot” works better than a “stick”.
Tip Number 4: Hold them accountable.
It is difficult to hold someone accountable when you have little more than a “gentleman’s agreement” that they will get onto it “as soon as possible”. However, if you have followed tips 1 and 2, it will be more obvious when they’ve ignored your request or failed to do as promised. You can then challenge them on it directly. How you do this will depend on your relationship with them, for example, are you their manager or are they yours? Either way, questions rather than accusations work best. Try: “We agreed this timeframe together last week. How come the report is not finished? How are you going to go about remedying this?” If they are your manager, a better approach might be to frame it in terms of “Why it’s bad for them”, for example: “Because I didn’t get your decision in the timeframe we agreed, the project will take longer than anticipated and blow the budget by $50k. Any more delays will cost us $10k per week. How would you like to proceed?” Put the onus of facing the consequences back on them where possible and if appropriate.
Tip Number 5: Don’t take it personally.
Regardless of whether the person is trying to intentionally annoy, undermine or frustrate you, don’t take their behaviour personally! If that is their intent, seeing you lose your cool will only give them more satisfaction. You can’t control their behaviour, but you can control yours. Either hold them accountable and deal with the situation assertively (by asking direct, calm questions) or, if it’s not important, let it go. Nobody is perfect all of the time! We all exhibit behaviours that annoy at least some people at least some of the time.
So in summary...
...don’t just push for a “yes”, try to get real buy-in to what needs to be achieved, stay calm and keep people accountable.
I loathe disclaimers, but - advice is of a general nature so apply with discretion!
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